Wigan U10 v Orrell U10 v Rossendale U10

Players: Harry, both Patricks, Isabella, Connor, Harris, Brandan, Nathan, Kian, James, Dan, George, Joe, Chris, Ross

Weather: Colder than expected

Pitch: Same as last week

This week, in the interests of perspective, the report was written by the current Mrs.Hollins. I was banished to watch the Under 8s as Patrick said I was "watching him too hard". Whatever that means.

A Woman's Perspective

“Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.” ‘Greatness’ has been well and truly ‘thrust’. I know the extensive readership of these match reports has very high expectations. Rightly so. How can I hope to even come close? Knowing the rules would be a good start, but you can’t have everything.

So here goes…there was definitely a ball in all three matches. They threw it to one another until someone from the other team got in the way. Then there was a kind a ‘tustle’ and everyone on the sideline shouted stuff like ‘rip it’ and ‘it’s yours’. Coach Butler shouted…a lot. I was told by a player, who wishes to remain anonymous, that “you get used to it in the end”. At some point in every game, someone managed to side step everyone and run away from said ‘tustle’ and score a try. Impressive stuff, even to the untrained eye. As it turns out, the referee moves back into the middle when a try has been scored. Hands up who knew that? This chucking of the ball, getting into a tustle, Coach Butler shouting and someone scoring happened over and over again. As it happens, Orrell did it exactly the same amount of times and it was a draw. So far so ‘so so’.

The second team, however, were a sight to behold. Tyldesley showcased what can only be described as the most radiant kits ever seen in junior rugby. Their stain removal experts really are world leaders. The white sparkled against the blue. One of the players even sported a matching hat (or whatever it is that you call them). Luckily, this powerful display did not phase our boys. They laugh in the face of superior whites. That ball throwing thing happened again, blah, blah blah and we won. Huzzah!

The Wigan team then flummoxed the crowd by moving pitches and we were expected to perform a 180 degree turn to find them. Testing times. The boys fought Rossendale bravely and crowd favourite Kian defied the laws of physics by knocking everyone out of the way and scoring a couple of times. If it had been a scene in a film, it would have gone into slow motion, accompanied by swirling orchestral music to ramp up the atmos. The Wigan boys didn’t lose this game, they just ran out of time.

Finally, we got onto the bit that we’d all really come for…the lunch. Disappointingly, it was only a sausage butty. Luckily, the boys found some costumes back stage in the hall and consoled themselves by prancing about wearing pink, sequined skirts over their kits, so all was not lost.

All in all, a marvellous morning.